Why do I blog about my son's addiction?

I am thankful for the support I get from those who read my blog and let me know how it touches their lives.  Brent doesn't understand why I need to share so publicly and it makes me wonder if others feel the same? That might be a good discussion for Facebook! 

I started my blog because I needed another tool besides counseling and Al-Anon to cope, process my feelings and keep my sanity in check. My blog is meant to be about me and for me.  I am no longer in denial that I have been the enabler in my son's life like so many others like me who love him.  I continue to struggle with my feelings of guilt and wish I could have done so many things differently.  If only I had known!  It's a constant struggle I have on what help to offer Brent and to resist the temptations of crossing that line of enabling.  I'm his mom, I love my son and would do anything to help him overcome this horrid disease.  Through this journey I have been surprised a few times by the lack of empathy some have shown him and his disease, but that's not for me to fix or judge.  If you think my blog is WTMI "way too much information" then I encourage you to use your free will and go read something else.  I will not hide behind shame and guilt any longer.

Case and point:

Yesterday, I was on the phone with Brent and found myself again in a position faced with a decision and feeling a lot of anxiety about whether it was helping or enabling.  As we were talking, another call came in and he put me on hold.  I waited on the line agonizing over what to tell him.  After a few minutes, he came back to tell me that Teen Challenge had an open spot and if he had a ride and if he could get there before 5pm he was in.  I told him that was the greatest news and encouraged him to get there somehow.  Did you happen to catch that I didn't offer to arrange that ride for him?  It was hard and yes, I still cried after we hung up.   Next thing I heard was that someone, who had recently read my blog and then shared his own addiction story with me, was picking up Brent. Together they made their way to Teen Challenge in time for the 5:00 check-in.  You might have seen the picture he posted of the two of them on Facebook.  It has been weeks since I saw Brent and in the picture he looked uncertain. I know he's thinking, "can I do this for 12 months?"  YES, BRENT YOU CAN! LISTEN TO YOUR MOM FOR ONCE!

Maybe the events that transpired yesterday would have happened anyway without my blog, but just maybe my blog and taking a moment to question myself about what help I was willing to offer him were the reasons Brent isn't on the streets and using today.  I hope he keeps trying. I will keep blogging. I will keep working on me because yesterday helping me helped him.  hmmmmmm... 

In Al-Anon, we say the Serenity Prayer at the closing of each meeting and we end it with this saying that I use to think was silly, but I get it now:

Keep coming back. It works if you work it!!

So ya, let's do that, ok Brent?

Thank you Austin, for being the higher power that Brent and I both needed yesterday.   Thank you Jack, my loving husband,  who connected the dots for me AGAIN.