Courage

In al-anon I've come to understand the fantasy thinking addicts use as a tool to cope or manipulate.  Today, I don't know what he's thinking or how he's doing so I texted him this:

Today is a new day. I hope you can focus on just today, not worry about tomorrow and have the courage to change what you can.  Every second you are stronger than your addiction should be celebrated!  Focus on what you are doing right no matter how big or small the change is.

Love, Mom

maybe this is my own fantasy thinking....but what if these words make the difference this time?  He says he's going back to sober living....tomorrow  

The number 3

It's barely 3 months into Brent's recovery and he's slipping away from us again. My heart aches for what he must be going through.  He has told me that the he's sick and tired of being sick and tired, but yet he turns to his addiction for comfort.  Why can't I be enough comfort???? why do I have to compete with his addiction??? Why can't it be enough to have a roof over his head, food, family who will help when he's doing the right things and all we ask is that he puts in the same effort we do?  It seems so simple to me and yet here I am again. Fearful of the next call from the 661 area code, thinking about how I am going to even be able to stay sane through all of this.  Three months seems to be a pivotal moment that he can't seem to master.  About the time life starts to get routine and mundane that he can't see the forest through the trees and worry consumes him.  I know I am powerless and I've gotten pretty good at compartmentalizing my day and letting the noise of work keep me distracted enough to see me through my day. Then Brent calls, I count to ten and take a deep breath before I answer.  I love you Brent....